Christianity · Housewife · Retro

Sweet Baby Cadillac’s Views on Female Only Support Groups

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Back a few weeks ago, Elizabeth from the blog Housewife’s Daybook had shown some interest in my views concerning same sex support groups. I thoroughly recommend that if you have interest in the daily ongoings of a SAHW {Stay At Home Wife} You check out her blog. I love reading her logs and sometimes all to funny comments about the life of her family. Knowing that this topic is a strong one, I have decided to point out the pros and cons of each in my own eyes, and the specifics to why I believe that women should have some form of female centered group bonding. So let us get to it, shall we?

Let’s face it, no matter how hard you try to deny this habit, all women compare themselves to other women. When you enter a female dominated space, and slowly get to know other women, you find yourself comparing. Whether it be how tidy and clean her children always are, or the fact that she finds time to hand bake all the pastries for the church bake sale. We as women have had it ingrained in us to pick ourselves apart. Because of this comparison, we have a tendency to build up walls. All women do it, and honestly, most will deny it. But deep down 99% of women will at one point agree to feeling insecure in the presence of other women. Even the most outwardly confident lady will probably find something about the least confident woman she envies. Now why we are like this is probably due to our subconscious nature to be the best at everything we do. If this strain on female to female relationships is so prevalent, then why do I think it is so important to have female only support groups?

We all love our husband’s. And for some women, the preference of a male friend seems so much easier than the work of your girlfriend’s friendships. But how many times have you come to your husband, in tears, being affected by something close to your heart, and he simply cannot relate. You may think, as he looks at you with confusion “He simply doesn’t care that I feel hideous.” It is not that he does not care, it is the fact he doesn’t understand how you are so concerned that you look hideous when obviously, to him you are beautiful. Endearing right? NO! It’s angering. He will tell you you’re beautiful no matter what. What if you came to a treasured female friend and relayed to her that you have been feeling nothing but hideous. She offers a simple smile, slumps in to hug you and says “I feel the same way, somedays. It will pass.” You know in your heart, she understands.

It is hard to befriend other females. We offend easily at times, and have certain delicate sensibilities. But birds of a feather, should flock together. If you consistently hung out with your husband’s car friends, or football team, your feelings would be ignored, trampled on, and you would be left gasping for some avon scented air.

The enemy is a cunning one. He is able to sneak into the most innocent of situations and turn them ugly. We as women, who wish for our marriages to prosper and live, should never allow the enemy a foothold. This isn’t to say you should not find friendships in men, but your most confidential friendships when married should never be with another man. Women in nature are vulnerable when their emotions are linked to a specific person or event. And the enemy can use these feelings to perpetuate deeper emotions and wants.

There is something beautiful about a female to female friendship. When you cry on her shoulder, and she prays for you, it is from the heart of a woman. Our maternal instincts go beyond the womb. To care, and to worry is in our nature. This is why I believe female group bonding is imperative to a healthy marriage and a woman’s mental health. I fully acknowledge the difficulty to build these friendships and groups. I have been struggling to do so for some time. As quick as they start, they dwindle. Whether it be some unknown offense taken, or the business of life. But one thing I vowed, is to never take the distance personally. And if we as women collectively decide to stop taking offense to the dropping of a friendship, you may find the ability to start afresh or completely new comes easier.

For men, I truly believe the council of other men is healthy for the functioning head of your home. I completely condone the gathering of male groups for the benefit of mental health in men. As long as the friendships aren’t toxic, men work through their problems in different ways than women. And when they are able to do that together, without our constant worry and prying, the outcome is a much more peaceful one.

My church hosted a Men’s work day, the day before my Sisterhood Tea. Multiple men showed interest but did not show up. I’m not pointing fingers, but for the men that did show up, so many memories were made. I had no desire to help or follow on this outing, because yard chores are not my cup of tea, unless I am gardening. The revival of my Husband’s spirit after fellowshipping with other men was very evident upon his return. He was able to do some hard labor, with other men and do the things he is good at. He was able to mentor younger men, show them some skill sets which also benefits the younger men of our church. During this, it is evident there is no place for a woman’s intervention. And that is not an anti-feminist statement. If they had a woman’s work day, I would be right there with my fellow ladies, mowing the yard and mulching.

That following Sunday, was the Sisterhood Tea. During this tea, women were able to bond, be there for one another, and enjoy some time to themselves and forget all the duties of being a mom, or a business asset. I saw some hugging, some crying, some praying and much laughing. Many women left the event feeling closer to their church, and many had made new connections and friendships. We were able to lift up other women in ways we know best.  I truly believe that we need to continue to raise generations of women with classic morales. The traditionalist lady is not dead, but she is suffering. For some reason in modern society, the humble and modest wife is frowned upon. And for women of this stature, we feel alienated. So these events hold a special haven for us to connect and share ourselves in ways that men may feel uncomfortable.

You are not the only woman, or man going through your struggle. We are humans and our stories and experiences are shared with multiple people. That is to say that not every woman suffers a miscarriage, but some have. And through this female specific bonding you may find someone able to counsel you. The absence of your spouse will be beneficial and leave you a topic to discuss when you may have otherwise been silent.

If you find that there is a lack of female centered groups, why not think about hosting a book club, prayer circle or makeup night. There’s no rules against you being the pace setter. Do not get discouraged if women decline. Chances are they’re nervous. Continue to wait it out and invite. Because when they take your offer at last. You may be able to touch a life you hadn’t before. God did not create us to be islands, separated by a mass of blank water. We are meant to be unified.

What sorts of female only groups do you belong to? And if you aren’t currently a part of any, what would be a group you would enjoy attending? I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much for reading. God Bless!

XOXO Sweet Baby Cadillac

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5 thoughts on “Sweet Baby Cadillac’s Views on Female Only Support Groups

  1. Such a thoughtfully written post, Elsie! I absolutely agree female friendships can create such a strong bond – a true friendship between women encompasses support and understanding, as well as laughter and joy.

    While not in any groups, some of my friends and I occasionally have “girly days” where we dedicate ourselves to one particular activity, such as baking/cooking, ballet, swimming, beauty (hair/nails/skincare etc.) or even simply just catching up over a pot of tea.

    And of course, like you said, it’s very beneficial for men to have the support of male friends as well. There seems to be a lot of emphasis at the moment on having everything include both men and women for the purposes of making it “equal”, but in reality there’s nothing wrong with taking the time to bond and build friendships with people of the same gender…quite the opposite, in fact! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank You, Dear. I appreciate your feedback. I wish I had more girlie days. I am lucky to be able to go shopping for some new slacks tomorrow with my close friend Colleen. I am so excited to get out of the house. I need new slacks badly. My horse riding has ruined so many pairs! D :

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  2. I’m back….I’ll pull some of your relevant quotes that touch on the points I have some thoughts about and then give my 2 cents for whatever that is worth…lol

    ” When you enter a female dominated space, and slowly get to know other women, you find yourself comparing.”

    Ok, I think men and women both compare when in same sex groups but the dynamics of how this plays out is different. Women do compare and pick apart traits, personality, habits etc of other women in the group. They want to see where they measure up to others and where others measure up to them. Because women are relational, if their heart isn’t in the right place, they are more likely to leave out in the cold other women who don’t share enough of their own experiences, interests, or values. If there is someone who is deemed “too different” than me then they ignore them or, if they have a mean streak, they will gossip, talk about them behind their back etc. Women, desiring deeper connections with others on an emotional level can use that desire selfishly by maintaining a clique that is closed in on it’s own interests and is willing to connect only with others in their small group. Or, women can use their natural desire for intimate friendship as a way to be open and aware of the need for every human person to have connection with others and know they care. Women who use their natural ability to relate well for good purposes will be concerned for the other person. She will make sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. She will take an interest in people even if she doesn’t share the same interests. She cares for them as a human being. She exhibits hospitality whether she is home or elsewhere. Hospitality is lacking in our culture today. Everyone is too busy to take time to be truly and deeply interested in others. They take a quick, superficial assessment and decide if someone is in or out.

    Men compare when they are in groups too. They are all aware of the hierarchy of the group and where they stand in it. However, I think they are more likely to still include other men who they may not have a lot in common with or who they don’t like on personal level for whatever reason. They are not always thinking about how a certain guy in the group can relate to them personally but in what value the guy brings to the group in general despite personal differences. Men are able to have more superficial type relationships because they don’t take others being very different from them as personally as women do.

    SBC ” But how many times have you come to your husband, in tears, being affected by something close to your heart, and he simply cannot relate.”

    Women are natural caretakers and more open with their feelings. As caretakers, we still have a need to be given gentle, loving care ourselves. A female friend will be able to provide this in a way that may not come naturally to a husband.

    SBC “It is hard to befriend other females. We offend easily at times, and have certain delicate sensibilities.”

    This is true. As endearing as it is for women be so much more open to others, we’ve also learned to guard our hearts because that openness also leads to being vulnerable to hurt. We are alert to slights, turns of phrase, and other actions of others. Sometimes we might see them where they don’t exist in the effort to guard ourselves.

    SBC “And if we as women collectively decide to stop taking offense to the dropping of a friendship, you may find the ability to start afresh or completely new comes easier.”

    Yes, if we close ourselves off from others because of perceived fear of being hurt we will lose the opportunity to have some really great, true friends.

    One last thought…I really think with the advent of social media combined with the constant state of busyness in our lives, that women’s or men’s groups don’t hold the same sway they might once have held. People feel more like they are getting their social fix by being in touch with loads of people throughout the day through their cell phones and facebook. It suits them because it doesn’t take the time out of their other obligations like going to a formal meeting with a group would. A formal group requires a commitment very few are willing to make.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your properly explained input. It is so very appreciated. Discussing this topic is so healthy for people to see, and it’s good there is such an intelligent group of women in support of this topic. Again, you are so appreciated. May you have a marvelous week!

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